Henry Says: You're broke

Things never stay okay for long. Everything falls apart. Everything goes to shit.

If my family doesn't get 2000 dollars by friday there is a very good chance that we would have to find somewhere else to live.

Poor E, when she started living with me I hoped we could give her some stability. I thought all this shit had finished years ago. I feel it again. The fear when the phone rings, lying about who is home and going to school everyday where almost no one knows how it is to not have enough money. To not pay the bills, shower in cold water, eat porriage for dinner everynight. I don't want to deal with this again.

I'm scared. I'm not sure if I can deal with this again.

Fingers crossed it will be okay.

I feel like I have pins and needles inb my feelings (if that makes sense). Like when it's numb but somehow still hurts at the same time. It isn't too bad though, the numb is enough to stop me freaking out. Had a fairly good night last night. Drinking with mates =] And I didn't wake up too bad either.

I was even a little productive this morning. I put some washing on and folded clothes. I even did the dishes. And now I'm doing some homework, like actually doing it.

Yesterday I had the first good day I've had in ages. It was...odd. I forgot what feeling excited and energetic felt like. It didn't last very long because all my friends were down and I just couldn't keep it going. It's alright though. I taste was nice, even if it's gone now.

I decided to give up smoking last night but now I want one lol. I don't think I can give up yet, it's my favourite alternative to cutting. Alwell, I don't have any anyway.

Thanks for reading. Hope you're well.

Henry Says: Well Done

Henry is proud of me. I did what he told me, I caved. Since I last posted things have been busy but since I can't be bothered going into detail I'll be brief.

My friend was kicked out of home and is now living with me. It took me a while to get used to never being alone but I like it now. She has issues as well so it's been interesting.

I've been rather self destructive the last few days, which is why Henry is so happy. I've been drinking everynight (which makes getting up for school or my sisters concerts a little difficult lol) I went camping where I got shit faced, high and lost my virginity to a guy I just met (and almost fucked some other guy but he was nervous/high and couldnt get it up).

I haven't been cutting funnily enough but I'm going to change that....right now.

Hope you're well. Bye.