Henry says: Stop trying

I'd hate to sound cliche but what's the point?

Henry Says: Thankyou

Someone told me a few days ago that you can't live for your friends but for yourself. So fuck it, if I don't have to live for them and I can't for me I'll die for myself. I'm sitting here at midnight, having just woken up, trying to reconcile the image of them having to deal with my death. They don't know a lot about me, but at the same time they know only a little less than me. I've spent so many years piling lies upon lies and now I'm not sure, I have images that I can't get rid of, that I can't remember, that I pray to whoever could be listening I made up.

I think I'm losing it. I'm afraid all the time again, I hate being in public, everyone is watching me. They hate me, they're judging me. Times's fucking up. Everythings fucking up and the scary thing is no one can help because I never let them. Everyone has their problems and I don't like to add mine on to theirs.

I want to go back to sleep but I can't and I'm supposed to learn this flute song to perform tomorrow but I slept all day and now it's night time and I can't play.

Well, enough of me bitching. I hope you're all well.

Henry Says: You're shit

Still haven't really studied for my Biology exam. I don't regret not giving a shit but I feel sad that I used to be so...good... at everything. I was listening to a song called perfect fit by the dresden dolls. The whole song is really relatable to me but the line: "Hello, I'm good for nothing - will you love me just the same?" Kinda makes me want to cry lol.

I want to cut so bad but I told myself I wouldn't this week so I'm trying to ignore it. Wish me luck lol =]

Hope you're well.

p.s Sorry for the people who comment on mine I can't comment back, it's not working for some reason but I'm still reading =]

Henry Says: Study!

I have exams on Tuesday. I really should be studying right now but I don't feel like it so I'm downloading music instead. What's it matter if I fail it. I don't have any goals for after school. Making goals requires a commitment to living that I'm not happy to give. I just want to drink myself into oblivion.

I'm too shit to live.

On a positive side I'm dying my hair tomorrow. I love changing my hair. I'm either going to go black, red, or brown. It's somethong to look forward to =]

Hope you're all well <3

Henry Says: What now?

I'm tired. I'm not talking physically though I am that too. In my head I'm tired and in my heart. It sounds horrible but I'm just tired of having to think about other people all the time. To worry about how their feeling, to judge when it's time to do something. What I'm supposed to say. If I'm supposed to tell somebody. I wish I could ignore it but then who would be watching. So for now, as always, it doesn't matter that I want to kill myself or that I have more cuts than years I've been alive. It doesn't matter that I'm failing at life or that I can't breathe. I can't think about that, because all I can do is hope that somehow they make it through.

How much longer can it go like this? I don't want to keep trying.