Someone told me a few days ago that you can't live for your friends but for yourself. So fuck it, if I don't have to live for them and I can't for me I'll die for myself. I'm sitting here at midnight, having just woken up, trying to reconcile the image of them having to deal with my death. They don't know a lot about me, but at the same time they know only a little less than me. I've spent so many years piling lies upon lies and now I'm not sure, I have images that I can't get rid of, that I can't remember, that I pray to whoever could be listening I made up.
I think I'm losing it. I'm afraid all the time again, I hate being in public, everyone is watching me. They hate me, they're judging me. Times's fucking up. Everythings fucking up and the scary thing is no one can help because I never let them. Everyone has their problems and I don't like to add mine on to theirs.
I want to go back to sleep but I can't and I'm supposed to learn this flute song to perform tomorrow but I slept all day and now it's night time and I can't play.
Well, enough of me bitching. I hope you're all well.
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